After listening to the Democratic candidates this past year, I have decided to help them express their policies in simple contract format so we the people, who are not so good at figuring out complicated concepts, can better understand liberalism and express our support for liberals’ superior intellect. Sign it and keep it filed away for when they come to take you away. It might get you out of jail free (or maybe not):

WHEREAS, IN ORDER TO BE A MORE PERFECT LIBERAL NATION, WE THE AMERICAN PEOPLE:

AGREE that there is not necessarily a Creator, thus we cannot be endowed with inalienable rights by a Creator, thus the government may remove such privileges if it deems it necessary for our protection, or to preserve the all important wall of separation between church and state.

AGREE to give up numerous freedoms and accept government mandates governing our behavior whenever government finds that such mandates are good for us.

AGREE to be taxed more than 50% of an average salary; or a much higher percentage if we make more than the average salary or own a business.

AGREE to be grateful for government run industries, such as health care, education, energy production, transportation, food production, etc, because it is important that everyone have equal access to these services even if such services don't work or are of poor quality.

AGREE to pay significantly more for all staples and accept chronic shortages of such goods.

AGREE to settle for universally substandard education controlled by teacher unions and politicians, eliminate parental control, and avoid teaching our children about our founding principles or religious heritage.

AGREE to have no limits on abortion and kill over 1.5 million babies each year forever, including babies in the third trimester if the mother so desires.

AGREE to push more and more older people into euthanasia for the good of society and to lessen their burden on the health care system.

AGREE to have no constraints on illegal immigration and make every person and their families who arrive to the U.S. full citizens and registered Democrats.

AGREE to end or make meaningless the institution of marriage and teach our children that a gay lifestyle is as normal as a man and a woman raising a family.
        
AGREE to eliminate the private health care system and institute government run universal health care that allows the government to be responsible for our health care needs, and to:
    Let government employees make decisions regarding who is treated for what deceases,
    Let government employees deny treatment if we demonstrate “dangerous” behavior (e.g too many burgers and donuts),
    Wait a year or more to get a non life threatening doctor appointment,
    Put small business out of business because of increased taxes to pay for the system.

AGREE to stop scientific investigation when it is not consistent with politically correct liberal thought or conclusions.

AGREE to implement regulations to address global warming without regard to economic impact since supposedly saving the planet is far more important than freedom or maintaining a reasonable standard of living.

AGREE to limit free expression, including political speech, religious speech, any subject considered to be politically incorrect, or speech that may in any way offend someone (and therefore hate speech).

AGREE that certain religious beliefs are counterproductive and therefore illegal to express, especially if it offends anyone.

AGREE that patriotism should be discouraged and that citizens of all countries should consider themselves citizens of the global community with common goals administered through the United Nations.

AGREE that only official law enforcement has the right to use force, that the right of personal self defense does not exist, and that the government has the right to confiscated all firearms.

AGREE that protecting animals and plants, even insects and primitive plants, regardless of any scientific data that shows the animals or plants are not threatened, is more important than addressing human suffering or property rights.

AGREE that property rights do not exist except as granted temporarily on a case by case basis by the government.

And, finally, we AGREE that the United States Constitution is a living document written by a bunch of dead white guys in a time that could not foresee society as it is today, and was meant to be interpreted to account for such societal changes whenever judges feel it is necessary to make such a case.

NOW, THEREFORE, in consideration of the foregoing, and, in recognition that certain trade offs must be made to protect society, we declare that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. Even though such attempts to construct a utopia have failed in the past, often resulting in massive death and destruction, such attempts were tried by people who were not as smart as us. Because we are good people, it will work this time. Our collective society shall become a model for the centuries to come, proving once and for all that belief in a Creator is unnecessary. From each according to his ability, to each according to his need, and there will be no further need for elections.

Signed _______________________________